Sometimes I think about how it would feel if I knew no one. I wonder how would it be like if I were to live that way? Well this morning I felt so lonely that I wanted to cry. This may sound super emo but I am trying to take it in as an experience that will make me stronger.
This is my third time moving up to Austin and each time it is something new that has to get the most of me. I can recall the first time I moved here I was about 20 years old. I knew no one but I had my cousin and her husband as family support here. They took good care of me, I cannot complain. Then the second time I moved up I lived alone and had no problems but getting used to the difference of people and their character and demeanor is what got to me. I could not understand how people could be so cold without knowing me. My friends know me as a cheerful, talkative and very outspoken person that I could not understand why some people I encountered were just plain rude. I started to think maybe it had to do with their upbringing, or maybe it was me. I literally was so pensive about this that I decided to take control of the situation. I just let me be me. If they did not like me it was their problem not mine. So, I got passed that year.
But, now I find myself in a rather different situation. Lately Lola, my car, has been giving me problems. She had a sensor that needed to be replaced and then she was good for a while until yesterday. As I was driving home, she warned me again that she may be sick. So, I took her in to the doctor, car repair shop, and they are trying to figure out what is wrong. That is gonna cost me some good earned money! I think that is the most depressing part for me. I feel like I am sacrificing my MAC make-up and Gianni Bini heels, for car repairs....but I chose Lola because she take me everywhere and without her, I am lonely. I think that is why I feel so sad. I am used to being with her, enjoying our random drives to meet with friends or to take a scenic route home. I think I am missing her and being away from her is what is killing me. I know I may sound crazy but I love my car. Its just a little Chrysler PT Cruiser but she does the job for me.
Other than Lola, I miss my parents. I am not even sure if it is them that I miss or the fact that I don't got anyone to rely on here. I mean I do got friends but they got their lives to worry about. The last thing I would want to do is inconvenience anyone. When it comes to my stuff, I am used to taking control of the situation because if anything goes wrong I am the only one to blame. But then again, it always is good to have friends I can count on. Iris and Maribel, you girls were always their for me when I needed a ride to the car shop or anywhere back home in good ole Edinburg Texas. You guys didn't ask any questions, you just wanted to help me out in anyway till I got what I needed. For that I thank you, I am blessed that God has put you two in my life. I also acknowledge that I can be a pain in the ass but you guys love me and see beyond that. That is what makes you guys even more awesome!
Now, I am at work working on legislation and hoping to get through the rest of the day.
Tootles.
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