I have had a growing concern over my purpose in this life. Lately I have been pondering my work assignments and my obligations to my graduate program. I have been thinking of whether I have been cutting myself thin...but it had dawned on me just today that I am not cutting myself thin. I believe the stress and the many challenges I have been facing lately are steps to becoming a better mature young woman.
I have been blessed with restless nights and memorable nights with my roommate's and close friends. I talk with my mother when I feel so worthless and helpless and she always reassures me that my time and efforts are not for granted. My mother always has the right words of affirmation to get me through the day.
After this week, I can begin to breathe and enjoy life ever more so.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Monday, October 18, 2010
Absolute Indication
Absolute indication is everywhere. I tend to resort to it every day of my life. There are days when I want to just drop the ball and move to something else but then I get back in my zone, absolute indication.
I am going on a month in this great city. The politics that surround me keep me entertained throughout the day for the most part. My mind is caught up in self expectations. My nights and evenings are spent trying to finish up an important paper. But, at the end of the day I feel as though something is still missing. I know what it is but its not up to me to decide where things will go. What I do know is what I want, absolute indication.
I was joined with my parents and great friends over the weekend and I realized that I am a very blessed individual. I have friends that literally lift my spirits up when I get in my own zone (for those who know me...its very rare when I am down). I had an epiphany and a sense of peace surround me, like as if God was reassuring me. I am a strong believer that things happen for a reason. I am not a cold hearted person either. I strongly believe that God blessed me with a very strong loving heart. Even though I have been hurt, I long for true love to flow back into my heart, but then again who hasn't been hurt?
This absolute indication I talk about is that life for me is only going to get better. Each day I think about how in the world I get through each day and I realize that I have this inner strength that gets me through it and when I am relieved from my work duties I take full advantage of my free time.
I am consumed each day with the many problems that surround us and I question if things really have to be that way. I wonder why the caseworker lets files sit on their desk, why people take advantage of their positions, why people who are just trying to make an honest living always get caught in the middle of government politics, and then why people can be so irrational. I am not saying I have the solution to every problem our country faces but if we just sat together and talked about the real issues then maybe just maybe we would find resolve.
Today, I felt really happy. Actually more happy that what I usually am. I will not indulge on why but lets just say the possibilities are there and I have an absolute indication that things may just be getting better. I look forward to the days to come and I pray each day that this happiness I have right now continues and doesn't stop.
Love you.
Tootles.
I am going on a month in this great city. The politics that surround me keep me entertained throughout the day for the most part. My mind is caught up in self expectations. My nights and evenings are spent trying to finish up an important paper. But, at the end of the day I feel as though something is still missing. I know what it is but its not up to me to decide where things will go. What I do know is what I want, absolute indication.
I was joined with my parents and great friends over the weekend and I realized that I am a very blessed individual. I have friends that literally lift my spirits up when I get in my own zone (for those who know me...its very rare when I am down). I had an epiphany and a sense of peace surround me, like as if God was reassuring me. I am a strong believer that things happen for a reason. I am not a cold hearted person either. I strongly believe that God blessed me with a very strong loving heart. Even though I have been hurt, I long for true love to flow back into my heart, but then again who hasn't been hurt?
This absolute indication I talk about is that life for me is only going to get better. Each day I think about how in the world I get through each day and I realize that I have this inner strength that gets me through it and when I am relieved from my work duties I take full advantage of my free time.
I am consumed each day with the many problems that surround us and I question if things really have to be that way. I wonder why the caseworker lets files sit on their desk, why people take advantage of their positions, why people who are just trying to make an honest living always get caught in the middle of government politics, and then why people can be so irrational. I am not saying I have the solution to every problem our country faces but if we just sat together and talked about the real issues then maybe just maybe we would find resolve.
Today, I felt really happy. Actually more happy that what I usually am. I will not indulge on why but lets just say the possibilities are there and I have an absolute indication that things may just be getting better. I look forward to the days to come and I pray each day that this happiness I have right now continues and doesn't stop.
Love you.
Tootles.
Thursday, October 07, 2010
Feckless was the word of the day....
As I attempt to keep a record of my life encounters there was a word that we did not use in last Monday's Toastmaster's meeting, "Feckless." I sure wish I knew this word existed because last week was a day that I felt pretty much feckless. As I reflected on what I thought was a weakness was more of loneliness. But, I am proud to say that I am long passed that.
My life now is in a different direction. I feel like I am fully settled in Austin. I got my nameplate, my new office, my new business cards "Maricela De Leon, Capitol Chief of Staff." Although I have gone through so much to get where I am at, I am now working on positioning myself for a long term career in government. I enjoy communicating with people especially interacting with them. It is what makes me happy. But, more importantly being within the circle of individuals that have the power to make change. I believe I carry some sort of influence but my opinion is given when it is asked for.
I do not feel weak nor am I a weak individual. As I look forward to the road ahead of me I am determined to be secure in a career that gives me much fulfillment, desire and love to do what is right. One thing that just amazes me is that I feel as though I have not accomplished enough. I feel as though there is something else out there for me to do or be a part of. I am not certain what my purpose is but I am determined to keep doing what I have been because the road ahead seems pretty promising and exciting.
Just the other day I met two ambassadors. The ambassadors were from Ukraine and Philippines. I would love to be an ambassador one day. I believe that would be very exciting and also a great contribution to my country and my community. When I dream, I dream BIG. I believe in myself and my abilities and I honestly don't believe in those who would put me down and my successes.
I have learned so far that life isn't easy, its definitely what you make out of it. I will be sitting on panels talking about important issues and seeing through that leadership is important for the success and improvement of every one's lives. I know what it is to struggle and I do not wish that on anyone. I am so glad that my education at a very early age taught me to be responsible, socially responsible and be a leader, a leader of action. I will continue to do my part and I am very thankful that at such a young age I have accomplished so much.
Tootles.
My life now is in a different direction. I feel like I am fully settled in Austin. I got my nameplate, my new office, my new business cards "Maricela De Leon, Capitol Chief of Staff." Although I have gone through so much to get where I am at, I am now working on positioning myself for a long term career in government. I enjoy communicating with people especially interacting with them. It is what makes me happy. But, more importantly being within the circle of individuals that have the power to make change. I believe I carry some sort of influence but my opinion is given when it is asked for.
I do not feel weak nor am I a weak individual. As I look forward to the road ahead of me I am determined to be secure in a career that gives me much fulfillment, desire and love to do what is right. One thing that just amazes me is that I feel as though I have not accomplished enough. I feel as though there is something else out there for me to do or be a part of. I am not certain what my purpose is but I am determined to keep doing what I have been because the road ahead seems pretty promising and exciting.
Just the other day I met two ambassadors. The ambassadors were from Ukraine and Philippines. I would love to be an ambassador one day. I believe that would be very exciting and also a great contribution to my country and my community. When I dream, I dream BIG. I believe in myself and my abilities and I honestly don't believe in those who would put me down and my successes.
Tootles.
Sunday, October 03, 2010
I wish upon a star...
We all at one point we all have made a wish upon a shooting star randomly. I know I have more than once. Some of my wishes ranged from I wish my mom would not get mad at me if she found out that...well, I will just keep that one to myself.
As I reflect on my weeks events I have to say that I wished so many things would happen to me differently. But, now I am glad things happened the way they did. You see, I love being challenged and surprisingly even though I experience a lot of adversity and heartache, I get by and through it all. I am a unique individual because throwing in the towel is just not an option for me.
I had many opportunities to give up this past week but with lots of prayer and and an understanding family I got through it. I felt as though my life was falling apart. Being away from family and my very closest friends who have always been there for me with just one ring I learned the most to adapt to my new surrounding. I adapted in a way that I did what I had to do no matter what because I am all I got. My dad was wise in teaching me this at the age of 18. This was my father's first advise to me: "Mija, you gotta do things for yourself and don't assume people will do things for you, you have to do things for yourself because no one else will do it for you." This day, I could hear him tell me this in my ear when I struggled with my car, LOLA, who was giving me problems.
But as I sat with a manager I befriended on a Wednesday evening after work he complimented me with some nice words. He told me that he had met many politically involved individuals and those working for elected officials and he said that I was very different from them. He said some of those people, which some are friends, are very "snobby" for lack of better words, and that they talked too much and did not take it well when there was difference of opinion. He told me that I am very calm, reserved and I listen. That he is able to have a conversation with me and I tried to understand his point of view. His opinion of me based on his observance and experience with others who do what I do, said that I am a strong willed person that is very grounded and has great strength. He says one day, I will be recognized and that I will be well known. I was not sure how to react but with I do talk a lot and I do listen. I don't get angry when someone tells me their position on something but we rather talk about it. I was very humbled to hear that from him. He had made my day.
Sometimes I wish though that I could just find a person that would compliment me. I actually don't ask for much, just to be loved and to be supported in what I do. There is one individual that saying his name makes me very happy. We may be different but he gives me peace. Just being around him makes me feel connected to someone else other than myself. The times we have spent with each other are very memorable but are long past. Men these days are just so confused with what kind of woman they want and vice versus. But as I reflect in any future relationship I think about how important will I be to this guy and will he even make me feel significant. I could easily say I would never date again but I will not because I do want to get married one day and have a family and travel the world. But for now, I would like someone to share my life experiences with. I am at a moment in my life that I wish I had someone to call when I had a happy moment, right now when I do call I get no pick up or no call back.
I know there is definitely nothing wrong with me but I know God has someone special for me. I just pray that God will send me a nice, tall, handsome man soon....hey a woman can wish right.
Well, I am gonna hit the sack. Sorry for my mushiness but this thing called "LOVE" is just too complex.
Tootles.
As I reflect on my weeks events I have to say that I wished so many things would happen to me differently. But, now I am glad things happened the way they did. You see, I love being challenged and surprisingly even though I experience a lot of adversity and heartache, I get by and through it all. I am a unique individual because throwing in the towel is just not an option for me.
I had many opportunities to give up this past week but with lots of prayer and and an understanding family I got through it. I felt as though my life was falling apart. Being away from family and my very closest friends who have always been there for me with just one ring I learned the most to adapt to my new surrounding. I adapted in a way that I did what I had to do no matter what because I am all I got. My dad was wise in teaching me this at the age of 18. This was my father's first advise to me: "Mija, you gotta do things for yourself and don't assume people will do things for you, you have to do things for yourself because no one else will do it for you." This day, I could hear him tell me this in my ear when I struggled with my car, LOLA, who was giving me problems.
But as I sat with a manager I befriended on a Wednesday evening after work he complimented me with some nice words. He told me that he had met many politically involved individuals and those working for elected officials and he said that I was very different from them. He said some of those people, which some are friends, are very "snobby" for lack of better words, and that they talked too much and did not take it well when there was difference of opinion. He told me that I am very calm, reserved and I listen. That he is able to have a conversation with me and I tried to understand his point of view. His opinion of me based on his observance and experience with others who do what I do, said that I am a strong willed person that is very grounded and has great strength. He says one day, I will be recognized and that I will be well known. I was not sure how to react but with I do talk a lot and I do listen. I don't get angry when someone tells me their position on something but we rather talk about it. I was very humbled to hear that from him. He had made my day.
Sometimes I wish though that I could just find a person that would compliment me. I actually don't ask for much, just to be loved and to be supported in what I do. There is one individual that saying his name makes me very happy. We may be different but he gives me peace. Just being around him makes me feel connected to someone else other than myself. The times we have spent with each other are very memorable but are long past. Men these days are just so confused with what kind of woman they want and vice versus. But as I reflect in any future relationship I think about how important will I be to this guy and will he even make me feel significant. I could easily say I would never date again but I will not because I do want to get married one day and have a family and travel the world. But for now, I would like someone to share my life experiences with. I am at a moment in my life that I wish I had someone to call when I had a happy moment, right now when I do call I get no pick up or no call back.
I know there is definitely nothing wrong with me but I know God has someone special for me. I just pray that God will send me a nice, tall, handsome man soon....hey a woman can wish right.
Well, I am gonna hit the sack. Sorry for my mushiness but this thing called "LOVE" is just too complex.
Tootles.
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